There are various degrees of stalkers.  Typically in my classes I talk about the four types of stalker.  In this article I’ll focus on only three types since the fourth type really is not applicable.  In broad terms there are essentially three types of stalkers: intimate partners, delusional and what is often defined as a lovelorn.  Let’s take a look at the varios types and what steps someone should take if they feel they are being stalked. The first type, intimate partner stalkers, are typically the guy who “just can’t let go.” These are most often men who refuse to believe that a relationship has really ended. They often count on people feeling sorry for them, but don’t be fooled. Studies show that the majority of intimate stalkers are not sympathetic, lonely people who are still hopelessly in love, but tend to be emotionally abusive and controlling during the relationship.  Over half of stalkers fall into this “former intimate partner” category. One of the key components in dealing with any stalker is to understand there is no reasoning with stalkers. Often times the stalker will feel the vicitim is playing hard to get or really wants them back and can’t see what is really being said, i.e.- relationship is over, now move on.  In other words, the only thing to say to the stalker is “no.” No explanations, no time limits, no room to maneuver. A victim should say “no” once and only once. And then, never say anything to him again. If a stalker can’t have his victim’s love, he’ll take her hatred or her fear. The worst thing in the world for him is to be ignored. In stalkers eyes, any attention is wanted attention. Meaning if the attention can’t be positive, they will opt for negative.  Make sure they understand that no means no and avoid dragging things out.  Make sure to enlist the help of friends if needed.  Don’t help him hang on.

A Delusional stalker frequently has had little, if any, contact with their victims. What they all have in common is some self-imposed false belief that keeps them tied to their victims. This type of stalker actually believes that he is having a relationship with his victim, even though they might never have met.  Another variation of delusional stalker is that in their mind they are destined to be with someone, and that if he only pursues her hard enough and long enough, she will come to love him as he loves her. These delusional stalkers have almost always come from a background which was either emotionally desolate or severely abusive. They grow up having a very poor sense of identity and self-worth.  Some studies show that delusional stalkers are the most tenacious of all. They try to force the love they desire in any way imaginable.  Henceforth, as with every type of stalker, it is imperative that victims have no contact. 

The final category of stalker is not lovelorn. These stalkers become angry with their victims over any offence be it real or imagined. . Some of these angry stalkers are people without conscience or remorse. Some are delusional, (most often paranoid), and believe that they, in fact, are the victims. They all stalk to “get even.”